Tag: Self Esteem

Khalil Gibran & David Goggins On How To Create A Positive Self-Image 

Arshan Dhillon

He stares in the mirror and sees three things. First, the sweat which trickles down his forehead, dotting the mat underneath. Second, the pair of dumbbells that lay at the foot of the mat. The third is himself. Wearing a half-sleeved shirt, his arms and shoulders are pumped with blood from the workout. The sight of them draws a smile out of him. But that smile wavers and drops away like the pair of dumbbells dropping on the rubber mats. The thudding sound anchored his smile as he felt his midsection through the shirt. Grabbing at the loose skin and pockets of fat which still lingered. 

The mirror only reflected one thing now.  

Self-image is an individual’s perception of themselves, including their physical appearance, personality, and characteristics. The way we perceive ourselves influences things like self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. 

In our current day and age, I believe that our self-image is under a microscope more than ever before. Meaning, because we have so many outlets to compare ourselves with other people (Instagram, Twitter, Facebook), and because there are so many self-help gurus on various platforms and media talking about constant productivity and improvement, it has resulted in a constant bombardment of our self-image. 

Everywhere you look, you can see what you’re doing wrong, what you’re not doing enough of, how you should be acting, what you need to do, why the way you are isn’t enough, and how you can change yourself.

Of course, there are benefits to this type of input. We do want to learn and grow and improve. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a better version of ourselves. However, the difficulty lies in stopping all of this input from creating a negative self-image and along with it a negative self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence.

Part of the problem lies in what we choose to focus on. With all of these different inputs, it is easy to focus on what we haven’t done or what we have done poorly. This results in a negative self-image. 

Khalil Gibran touched on this subject in his incredibly thoughtful book, The Prophet. Gibran’s advice boils down to our perception. Instead of constantly highlighting the lows and the mistakes we make as we continue to march through life, we should take the time to remind ourselves of all the good things we have done. All the positive things we have accomplished.

You have been told that, even like a chain, you are as weak as your weakest link.

This is but half the truth. You are also as strong as your strongest link.

To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of ocean by the frailty of its foam.

To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconstancy.

An agreement we sign with life is that it will be difficult, challenging, and we’ll face many failures. But along with this, we also get to overcome obstacles, change our habits for the better, and accomplish our goals. 

But the mirror of life tends to reflect only those things our mind is trained to perceive. Just as someone who is dedicated to exercising and yet can only spot the deficiencies in their physique, we too end up focusing overwhelmingly on the failures and missteps. 

However, if our perception changed just one or two degrees, so the aforementioned individual can see the progress he or she has made to their arms or how much their strength has increased, their self-image will bolster. In the same way, a degree of change in our perception can reveal all the mini-wins we have had prior to a failure or mistake.

Retired Navy Seal and ultra-athlete, David Goggins has a concept that he likes to call the cookie jar. The cookie jar is a list of your accomplishments which you can fall back on when you need them. And because these are your personal accomplishments, they can be whatever you like. For someone who reads all the time, finishing a book might not qualify for the cookie jar. But for someone who hasn’t read a book in years, that is something you can deposit in your cookie jar to pull out at some later point in your life when you’re feeling negativity seeping into your self-image. While for the reader, maybe they haven’t run in a while, so running one mile can qualify for the cookie jar. 

The cookie jar concept by David Goggins is a good way to combat the negative influx and reaffirm your self-image by reminding yourself of all the strong links you have built.

So that our self-image can be built on a foundation of wins and challenges faced, rather than focusing on the occasional crack in the foundation when we mess up. Because in due time, that crack will be plastered over as we continue to strengthen our strongest link. 

Reflections: Be Your Own Friend

Arshan Dhillon

Often times we look outside ourselves for advice. It’s easy to give the responsibility for our own improvement to other people. Meaning that we find someone who is popular or trending, who is a self-help guru and then follow whatever they say, without giving to much thought to what is being told or even asking ourselves if the advice given is what we need. But popularity can cloud logic and reason. By giving up personal responsibility, we don’t feel let down by ourselves if we don’t get better. We have someone to blame, to point the finger to and in doing so, feel better about ourselves.

But the simple fact that we desire someone to help us is a good sign. It’s an internal recognization that what we are at this moment isn’t what we wish to be. We know that we can be better. We know we can improve. This alone should give us a hint of where to look in order to get good self-help advice.

Just as the phrase suggests, self-help should start with the self.

In reality, if you were to detach for a moment and take a pen and paper and ask yourself Where do you want to be in ten years’ time? How will you get there? What are the things you are doing that you need to stop? What are the things you are not doing that you need to start? You will quickly find the paper filled with proper advice.

These simple self-reflective questions bring forth, in most cases, immediate answers. Because deep down we know what our bad habits are and what we need to stop practicing. We also know exactly what we need to do in order to grow and improve. You will never know anyone as well as you know yourself. You know your transgressions, insufficiencies, and inadequacies. With this knowledge, you also know what your next step should be which is simply to fix these transgressions, insufficiencies, and inadequacies.

The issue is that all of this is difficult. It’s always hard to take on responsibility. If you fail to grow it’s on you. The reason behind your failure will be either your lack of will or discipline. Which is why it’s so much easier to do what someone else says. But the changes enacted by our own will power and self-control are longer lasting because we attain those through struggle and hardship.

Although having external aid isn’t a bad thing either, especially if you are able to narrow down your flaws. If you know your specific issues and problems then it’s easier to navigate through the endless stream of bad advice that is spouted everywhere. External sources then can teach you how to break bad habits, how to build good habits, how to enact the right mindset, how to deepen personal relationships, how to become more confident and how to love and care for oneself.

But, first, you must take on the uncomfortable task of self-reflection and self-honesty. In this way, we also come to build trust within ourselves. We can take our own words and be confident that it’s what we need. In some ways, we begin to act as a friend to ourselves. Someone who is loyal, who wants the best for us and who isn’t afraid to call us out when we get off the right path. That’s true self-help, self-love, self-care.

 

 

Bruce Lee On How We Can Improve Our Life Through Action

Arshan Dhillon

Only actions give to life its strength, as only moderation gives it its charm

Many of us are dreamers, we sit around all-day imagining the different lives we could be living, thinking of what our lives could have been or the opportunities we let slip by because we were too passive. It’s because of this passivity that we find ourselves living a life that we don’t necessarily enjoy. Perhaps if we had acted, been more aggressive in our pursuits, our lives could have been enhanced.

Our lives are then weakened by our passivity and even our character suffers when we don’t act.

Action is a high road to self-confidence and esteem. Where it is open, all energies flow towards it. It comes readily to most people, and its rewards are tangible

Confidence often comes from us remember something we have accomplished. When we look back in our past and think of the scenarios that required us to go just beyond our perceived limitations. It is these scenarios that give us confidence and help build our self-esteem. Sometimes it’s as simple as reminding ourself that “I have done X before, so I can also do Y”. Yet, one can only accomplish anything through action. The more things we achieve and overcome the more our confidence builds. So, if we want to improve ourselves and our lives we must act, we must be aggressive.

However, we can sometimes be bogged down by the large picture when we think about acting. Perhaps you want to run a marathon but can’t even run a mile at the moment so you think it’s pointless to even try. But once again, Bruce Lee advocates acting instead of self pity.

Our grand business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand

That marathon will seem daunting if you keep thinking about the 26.2 miles. Instead, we must turn our attention to the action at hand, which is to build ourselves up to run one mile. After that point, we can turn towards two miles, then 3, 4 and so on.

At the end of the day, whatever it is that you want from life will not be handed to you. Nobody is going to present you your dreams on a silver platter, no three wishes or a magic wand. No amount of daydreaming or thinking will change your current situation.

All you have is yourself and your ability to act.

The end of man is action, and not thought, though it be of the noblest. In this world there are a lot of people who cannot touch the heart of the matter but talk merely intellectually (not emotionally) about how they would do this or do that; talk about it, but yet nothing is ever actualized or accomplished

We shouldn’t be one of those people who just talk about it. The easiest way to not be that person is to simply be active, be aggressive, be about action.

 

Book Reference: Bruce Lee Striking Thoughts: Bruce Lee’s Wisdom for Daily Living

 

For more daily updates follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/learned_living/