I know two things: I haven’t experienced life as much as I need to and that I’m not who I wish to be.
Too many times I grab a book hoping for some life-changing epiphany. A perfectly constructed sentence that blends into another sentence and another and together it forms a paragraph that is aimed at me, written solely for me which will snap my life into place.
Or so I hope.
Perhaps that’s another thing I know, that I passively hope too much.
I’ve often looked for people who I wish to be like. Great writers, artists, men and women, people who have sacrificed, people who are disciplined and people who work hard. Simple criteria’s. Yet, I fail to emulate such people. They too, like words in a book occupy my thoughts for a little while until some impulse or desire makes me forget about them.
Reminders. That’s another thing I know. I need constant reminders of what I need to do, who I can be, what life can be. I suppose that isn’t too bad after all if Marcus Aurelius needed to remind himself to be calm, to be clear-headed, to treat people with kindness then perhaps we all need reminders in our lives.
Otherwise, I’ll be back where I started. Searching for answers about how I should live my life. Hold my hand and guide me onto the path I should be walking. Correct my wrongs, layout the blueprint for me to copy, let me be you.
If only life was that simple. That easy. Even the simple easy life I currently live isn’t enough because I haven’t earned it.
That’s another thing I know.
I’ve often read how everything you need you already possess or how we need to look inwards and not outwards for answers. For a long time, I didn’t know what this meant but recently I feel like I’m starting to understand. I won’t count this understanding as another thing I know but perhaps I know my feelings and I know to trust my feelings or intuition or whatever you want to call it.
To trust such a thing is simple because your self is always talking to you. When I finish a writing session I feel happy. When I struggle through a workout I feel accomplished. When I do something that I find uncomfortable or difficult I feel proud. When I repeat a habit I’m trying to break I feel shame. When I cheat on my routine I feel guilty. When I lie I feel bad. Immediate feedback follows my actions.
That’s another thing I know: In life, we must act and not be passive.
It’s strange how often we ignore our own voice in order to follow the instructions of others? How come you trust yourself less than you trust someone else? The only person you will ever know completely is yourself, then why not believe in yourself?
Decisions become a little easier if I start to follow my feelings.
My mind tells me what to do and what not to do. My mind tells me that I can be more than I am. It tells me what habits to break, what behaviors to practice. I know I can trust my mind for it knows me, it knows my feelings, it knows my deepest desires and needs.
I suppose that is another thing I know. Perhaps the most important knowledge I have is to trust thyself.